1. You know you might be old and boring – or just a suburban mom who has to buy a million things in bulk every month on a budget – when you get REALLY excited about finally having a Costco membership. Actually, it all started one day when my boss said she was going to the “senior buffet” (Friday lunchtime samples at Costco) and I asked if I could tag along to see what the prices looked like compared to Sam’s. Used to be I wasn’t a fan of the warehouse stores because I felt like it was impossible to go to one without spending a billionty* dollars (true) and most of the items they sell aren’t that cheaper than buying at Walmart or Target (which I have since concluded to be FALSE). I was won over by the massive discount in price on frozen fruit (I have a smoothie obsession) and Venus breeze shave cartridges (my skin is stupid sensitive and I am very lazy) and the fifty-pound box of Huggies Natural Care Wipes.
Oh, and the samples.
Oh, and the wine prices are pretty much the awesomest ever, but that means little to me right now since I am incubating a parasite. But don’t worry, I won’t leave that section of the store neglected forever.
OH OH OH! And then there’s the Land-o-Lakes half-and-half for $2 a quart AND the Newman’s Own Organic K-cups for less than 50 cents apiece. I think the membership will pay for itself in my coffee obsession alone, since I drink about 17 cups a day.
And yes, I realize that I really do sound like a big old nerd for being so excited about cheap coffee creamer. DON’T JUDGE ME I LOVE COFFEE OKAY.
2. This afternoon is our consult with the maternal-fetal medicine specialist and genetic counselor, plus an ultrasound, all of which I’m super excited about. This is the first pregnancy where I am officially old and at first I kind of thought the advanced maternal age BS was all about squeezing extra money out of women who are scared of Down Syndrome (which is a whole other post unto itself but we won’t go there now) but I’ve come around to the other side. It’ll be nice to get a head’s up if this child has any special needs, and if not, we get to have extra baby pictures which is cool. And the new prenatal diagnostic tests are REALLY precise without being super invasive, so that’s a plus. When my mom was pregnant with my younger brother 30 years ago, she had a very difficult high-risk pregnancy at 34 years old (and was super traumatized by the AMA label), and pretty much the only option she had for diagnostic testing for amnio, which she refused for a couple of reasons (not the least of which is the miscarriage risk). I just think it’s super cool that women have all these options available to them now.
3. But enough about me. Let’s talk for a second about Hallie Lord‘s new book, Spice Up Your Marriage: A 28-Day Adventure. Hallie is a writer and mom of six kids so she totally understands the challenges that come from keeping your intimate relationship fresh and exciting when you and your spouse are busy and tired. I just bought the book myself and can’t wait to read it. I’m pretty sure my husband, if he knew I was going to read it, would be excited too, LOL.
4. Speaking of my husband, he’s been thinking of starting a blog AND I SO WANT HIM TO DO IT. He gets a charge out of arguing with people on Twitter and has been itching to break out of the 140-character box. (Warning: if salty language offends you, don’t read my man’s tweets. Because he is a BIG fan of the F-bomb and other colorful words.) But he’s all like, “Blah blah blah who the heck is going to read my blog?” and I’m like, “Blah blah blah welcome to my world.” Seriously, though, I think he would really enjoy blogging, so I’m lobbying pretty hard. Plus then I get to design his site (which I have tons of ideas for)!
5. Okay I gotta power thru the rest of this post because I need to get showered and out the door soon. But let’s be honest, I don’t have much else interesting to say. So I’ll link you to this article about the old “as long as it’s healthy” adage you hear from expecting parents all the time.
That phrase has haunted me, ever since we found out that our child would be born with a birth defect. As long as it’s healthy! People chirp at you, when you talk about finding out the gender. Boy? Doesn’t matter! Girl? Who gives a sh*t! Nothing else matters but perfect health! And once you discover that your kid isn’t healthy, it almost feels like a threat.
Because what if it’s not healthy?
6. And then I’ll leave you with Garfunkel and Oates’ “Pregnant Women are Smug,” which is all I can think of when I hear, “As long as it’s healthy.” Kind of salty language in this one, too, but IS HILARIOUS:
And true. So true.
7. And lastly, to complete the annoying pregnancy cliche trifecta, we have “Sh*t Pregnant Girls Say:”
I kinda LOLed. A lot.
WAIT WAIT WAIT bonus quick take: “Sh*t CRUNCHY Pregnant Mamas Say:”
So true. Also, quite smug.
*billionty – new word coined by my friend Bunnika when describing a centipede she kilt with a cat litter scoop